How to paint a bullseye on your face

· by Steve · Read in about 2 min · (231 Words)

Here’s how to Here’s how to_ hard to get a western country to invade you:

  1. Cross the border in a waterway and kidnap military personnel
  2. Deny consular access
  3. Pretend that they crossed the border and not you despite GPS evidence
  4. Get your GPS imaginary coordinates wrong the first time and accidentally invalidate your own argument (doh!)
  5. Parade captured sailors on television and pressure them to admit to something they didn’t do
  6. Dangle the carrot of releasing one captive and then snatch it away again so that negotiators lose all trust in you
  7. Have a simmering nuclear row in the backround too
  8. Make sure you appoint a fundamentalist nutcase as a leader

You couldn’t make this up. I wonder whether Iran’s leaders are just totally incompetent, stupid, or a mixture of the two. They’re just damn lucky this is the British they’re dealing with and the word ‘diplomacy’ is actually in our dictionary (with a description that doesn’t say ‘something to kill time while we decide what to attack first’). The Americans or Israelis would probably have started kicking ass by now, especially since this is the second time they’ve pulled this stunt. But I guess they know that, and that’s why they’re trying it on.

I bet the SAS are in fully warmed-up mode right now though. Better not take too long before you wind down this particular propaganda stunt lads.